Somehow Married 21 Years, or Shouldn't I Be in Study Hall Right Now?

Do any of you grown-ups ever stop in the middle of your day to wonder, Who’s in charge here? I do: all the time. Because even though I am an adult in full possession of a mortgage, who votes in most elections, and has 3 teenagers, I mostly still feel about 16 years old. Like…I’m making payments on my daughter’s college bill, and thinking, Shouldn’t I be in study hall right now?

To my surprise, last November, I celebrated 21 years of marriage to my husband Tim. I don’t feel old enough to even be married, let alone have done it for over 2 decades which, face it, is longer than I have ever stuck to anything in life, except for the act of drawing breath. This may be why I have a nose piercing and hair the color of red velvet cake. In many senses, I suppose I am still waiting for the adults to show up and tell me to shape up or else.

But suddenly, when it comes to knowing how to stay married, I find that I AM the adult here. I have beaten the odds and stayed [mostly] happily married to the same person on purpose for a long time. All at once, I have something to say on a subject that does not include the words, “Buy L’Oreal: you will regret the red-box brand every time.”

Ah, staying married! How I could (and shall) wax eloquent. It’s not something that happens on accident, lemmee tell you. Once, I remember an oft-divorced friend telling me mistily, “You’re so lucky you found your Mr. Right the first time around.” I nearly snorted coffee out my nose in indignation. Seriously, since when has staying married ever been about finding Mr. or Mrs. Right?

Staying married is about becoming Mr. or Mrs. Right.

 Married 21 Years

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