It’s Top Ten Tuesday on the World Wide Web, and since it’s also Thanksgiving Week, I thought I’d show you how I’m getting ready for the holiday, in the form of a Top Ten List. Thanksgiving is on Thursday this year (*small family joke, there*) and everyone’s coming here. As it happens that I have to work at My Real Job on Wednesday, today is really the day I should be making last-minute preparations for The Great Day Itself.

Howsomever, that is not exactly how I am spending my time today. Instead, I am…well, the thing is, I hardly ever start a book I just can't put down. And stumbling onto an entire series like that? It's pure, Thankgiving gold, my friend. Not something to just be shunted aside until Friday. So in the spirit of today, I now present you with Ten Other Things to Do When You Should Be Getting Ready for Thanksgiving Day.

10. Discover a new novel series and realize you must—must—finish one more chapter before you start making the pie shells for Thursday’s French Silk and Raspberry pies.

9. Contemplate your witch-like hairdo in the mirror, and try to remember the last time you washed it. Decide that it looks rather like a radiant, red halo standing out from your scalp like that, in all directions. Worry that it’s been too many days since you actually worked a shift at the hospital like a normal person, and you are slowly losing your mind. Stifle all guilt by reading another chapter of your book.

8. Scratch the dog’s head, and tell her she smells like popcorn. Feel guilty because you last walked her on Saturday, and she has had nothing to do but sleep for 18 hours a day since then. Vow that you will take her just as soon as you finish this chapter.

7. Realize that the turkey you bought for Thursday sat out on the front porch overnight, and it’s possible that, in this unseasonably warm November in Maine, the temperature never fell to 40 degrees. Worry that everyone will get food poisoning on Thanksgiving. Resolve to confess this to no one. Plug in the extra refrigerator, pop the turkey inside, and read a few more pages while it cools.Reading Turkey

6. Wander into the kitchen and eye the boxes of nuts, brown sugar, and spices you just paid $132 for at BJ’s. Hope desperately that you will actually get around to baking with them, this Christmas. Resolve to mix up a batch of date squares as soon as you finish this scene you're reading.

5. Open the files you are working on for your currently-contracted book. Determine not to put the laptop aside until you have written at least 1500 words. Read another chapter of your newly-discovered novel series, just to prime the pump.

4. Call your mother-in-law. Realize this means you are probably procrastinating in a very huge way. E-mail your sisters-in-law about how much you love this series they recommended.

3. Send your daughter to the mall for ink cartridges for the printer. Decide on 3 new dishes you MUST make for Thanksgiving. Also send her with a list of a dozen ingredients to pick up at the grocery store on her way home. Assure her that by doing this, she has bought you another hour of time to sit on the couch and read your new favorite book.

2. Eye the 10-lb bag of potatoes, the squash, and the turnip that need to be peeled and set to soak in cold water. Wish you had your current novel series on audiobook, to amuse you while you peel. Decide that, since you don’t, you should probably read another chapter before you get started.

1. Seriously contemplate ironing the table linens for Thanksgiving Day. Decide that no one is going to notice a crease or two, here or there. And it’s family, after all. Vow that you will put the extra leaves in the table and put the tablecloths on to “shake out” just as soon as you finish reading this chapter of your book.

And that’s how I’m spending my last free day before Thanksgiving! I suppose, in all fairness, I should add this one:

0. Get so desperate that you write a blog entry about nothing, and actually post it online.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! 

Comments (77)

  1. Elaine

This is hilarious!

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This is so me! Very well put.

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